As children my siblings and I learned many survival skills that eventually made us successful adults. We were raised in a time before Food Stamps and Free Lunches were available. I am not saying that we did not need these programs; we most certainly did. Our mother did the best she could with what she had, but some days it just wasn’t enough. I do recall thinking how nice it would be to have lunch money but that didn’t happen on a daily basis. One of my younger brothers was quite creative in making money for his lunch. That’s a story for another day.
All of us went to work at as soon as we were able to attain jobs. There was the paper route, bakery, BBQ house and eventually Pizza Hut and McDonald’s. We didn’t keep what we made for ourselves. Sharing was a natural way of life. Surviving is what we did on a daily basis. We lived day-to-day hoping to eat and stay warm in the winter.
New clothes and shoes didn’t happen. Fortunately we were always encouraged to read and do well in school. Our mother told us there was a better world than the one we were living in but we had to work for it. She was smart and well read but had made some poor choices in her own life.
She was strong but not strong enough. Our grandmother was the strength in our lives before and after our mother died. She had a firm hand for discipline but always an open door and a warm heart. She also had structure in her daily life which has proved to be a valuable tool to me as I live mine.
I have worked with and personally known many alcoholics and drug addicts. I can easily predict who will recover and make it and who will not. Until they hit rock bottom and find the strength to dig their own way out they will not succeed. Behind every addict and alcoholic there is at least one enabler.
They don’t need to recover as long as someone is there to pick up the pieces and fix it. They don’t have to be the survivor because someone else is left with the mess of surviving their behavior and handling the emotional stress that goes with it.
Our mother was the enabler in our house. Our father was the alcoholic. She wasn’t strong enough to let go until it was too late. We did survive the mess, emotional stress and the poverty. However, no child should ever be subjected to being around an alcoholic or an addict. We were only subjected to this as children but it is something we have lived and dealt with emotionally all of our lives.
We were not allowed the luxury of doing anything but surviving and finding a way out. Our parents died young and left us on our own too early in life. We had to find a way to make it. It certainly was not an easy road and many times some of us chose to make a wrong turn and had to backtrack and do it again. Our choices created consequences as well.
There were no insurance policies left behind or money to fight about. There was no property to split up. There was nothing left but memories. Not all the memories are bad, but they are certainly difficult.
We were instilled with a will and drive to live a longer and healthier life. We were told there was a better life and we found it. We also had a will to never be hungry again. We had no choice but to accept responsibility for each of our choices and actions. The will to survive has made each of us strong enough to live the better life our mother envisioned for us.
I am very passionate about teaching children of poverty. I am very giving to those in need and don’t understand those that don’t.
I am not sympathetic to the alcoholics and addicts that have someone fixing it for them.
Being a child of an alcoholic comes with a price as much as being a child of poverty. It’s not the alcoholic or the addict that society should worry about. It’s the children of these persons. It is the examples they set and the responsibilities they choose to ignore. Help the children.
Do not chalk these children off as losses to society. With the right drive, passion and strength they too can survive.